When I was a young cat, I went out on my weekly grocery shopping, or so I thought.
I always kept to the same path, first the produce department then the bread. The store I went to added a new party department, so I decided to check it out. There were cards, wrapping paper and balloons. It looked as if they filled the balloons there. I wanted my meow to sound funny, so I made my way to the helium tank and grabbed the hose. The attendant came over and told me that customers were not allowed to operate the helium tank. I said okay and walked over to the cards. I looked around and no one was looking in my direction, so I lifted my paw and knocked over a bunch of cards. I quickly did a somersault into the next aisle, so I wouldn’t be caught. The attendant ran over to the cards to see what was going on. While he was distracted, I made way to the helium tank. I grabbed the hose, turned it to the highest level and inhaled the helium.
I realized my mistake when my torso started to inflate dramatically, and then I started to float up to ceiling. “Uh oh”, I thought. The ceiling in this grocery store was high and birds always found a way in. I kept floating up until I hit the ceiling. I looked to my right, and there was a bird staring at me. I instantly went into hunter mode and got ready to pounce only to realize I couldn’t move. I could only float. The bird started to laugh at me. “Stop it!” I yelled. I started to flap my arms like a bird, but I only bounced up and down. I grunted with frustration. There was a dog below me throwing boxes of biscuits into his cart. I watched with disgust when I got an idea, doggy paddle! I started to doggy paddle with my legs, and I started to move forward.
The bird had flew off at this point, so I decided to snoop on everyone else shopping.
There was this duckling quacking at her mother because she wanted candy corn. Her mother quacked no because candy corn has too much sugar, but she could have normal corn. The duckling threw herself to the floor, kicked her little legs and loudly quacked with tears flowing out of her eyes. The duckling’s scene drew the eyes of other shoppers. “Fine, you can get 3 pieces.”, said the mother. The duckling jumped up and put the pieces of candy corn into a baggy, and they waddled off.
What else was going on? I paddled through the air to find more grocery store drama.
I arrived in the dairy section to find an old bear sniffing through the yogurts. He stopped then looked around and waited until no one else was around to begin pulling a lid off a yogurt cup to sniff it. I thought he must be losing his ability to smell with old age, but he went a step further and stuck the tip of his tongue into the cup. He shook his head, closed the container and put it back on the shelf. He continued to do this with ten other yogurt cups and walked off without putting any in his cart. I noted to myself to never buy yogurt from this store.
I now found myself in the toiletry section. There was a raccoon and his wife who was a possum. They were debating on what toilet paper to get. The possum wanted the ultra soft while the raccoon wanted the ultra strong. “I have a delicate bum”, said the possum. The raccoon argued that the soft stuff clogs the toilet. “It’s not the toilet paper that clogs the toilet, it’s your droppings!”, she claimed. She continued, “Your droppings have broken every toilet you’ve used.” The raccoon left out a sigh, and they compromised by getting the soft toilet paper and a plunger.
Before I could make my way to another section, I felt a fart coming. I stopped and pushed. I left out the biggest fart of my life, and I blasted through the air uncontrollably. I was spinning and going through loops while leaving a streak of green, putrid smelling gas in the air. When the gas reached the nostrils of other shoppers, they started to gag and ran out of the store.
I ended my deflation by smashing into a bag of flour that exploded and covered the floor. I stood up and dusted myself off. There was an empty cart left by a fleeing hyena that I grabbed and continued my shopping. I still needed my groceries after all! The store was empty, so I had it all to myself, and I liked it! I got my essentials of tuna, chicken nuggets and gummy spiders. Since the cashiers also ran out of the store, I checked out using the self-checkout.
The sidewalk was full of shoppers and employees gasping for air. They called in fire department to inspect the building. Dalmatians ran past me into the store. “Good luck at getting out that stink”, I chuckled to myself. I loaded my groceries into my spaceship and flew home.